Brackish Waters / Opinions / Relationships

The Raging Bull of Relationships

charging_bull_sculpture

It seems painfully obvious as one grows more mature that the idiocy we often face in relationships (no matter the depth or circumstance of them) is really a comical element to our human experience. For example, some take to jokes profoundly, while others can become easily agitated, thus releasing their juvenile tendencies lurking underneath their veil of social complicity. Most of us know somebody that can never take a joke or has no funny side to them, yet we still feel a need to share humor with them in spite of this. We may think they are lame or dull, but in reality they just see other people quite differently. Perception of others is a perpetual series of misunderstandings. It doesn’t matter where or who you deal with in your life. Some people are easily provoked, and subsequently confrontational. Others do their best to let the small things slide. But everyone has a breaking point when it comes to sarcasm and blatant indifference to what you contribute to their lives. More importantly, everyone has a role to fulfill in our lives and when their shortcomings affect you, the foundation begins to unravel. It’s why we get pissed off, if you think about it. Usually, it’s the actions preceded by words spoken that ultimately supersede our understanding, opinions, or vested interest in civility. There is no shame in admitting the futility of our inner humanity in the face of a raging bull whose horns are aimed at our bellies. We will do whatever is necessary to survive with piece of mind. And when we face that raging bull and survive it, it is in the reflection of steps toward the outcome that we realize it wasn’t a raging bull at all, it was just another human being. Another conscious mind with feelings and fears and hopes. And it is at that critical moment you chuckle to yourself. “Wow,” often comes to mind, “some  people just don’t get it.”

It matters not if you are the one surviving, you are always someone else’s raging bull. Even the most docile of people around have a breaking point and when it is reached, every single one of us has the potential to become a raging bull. It’s in our nature because we are human. The funny thing is, since we are all human (apparently), we all feel the same types of emotions. In spite of this reality, we still go about our business without any real worry about how our actions affect others. That, too, is human nature. We can’t worry about it always because we would be undermining our sense of survival. In order for each of us to survive this world, something else has to give. That is never something that goes uncontested. Whatever we have, had to have been taken from something else. Think about it. Down to the food we eat. An animal, a plant, a chemical had to be sacrificed so we could consume it. Now, we can rationalize this a million ways, but ultimately it is a basic concept: You need = you take = something else loses. This is true no matter the situation. That is why relationships are filled with idiocy: Why and how we justify doing or consuming what we do will always conflict with something or someone else. It’s just natural. If someone who works at a supermarket needs to pay their bills and need to work extra hours to do so, those hours would have gone to someone else, but instead it went to the person who needs to pay their bills. Now, one could take sides with the person “needing to pay their bills,” or the side of the person who just lost hours for no apparent reason to them. But if they knew the truth (and they usually figure it out), they may gripe about it. We all have something we gripe about and the reasons we do are justified in our own minds. But just because a person justifies their reasons for a particular action does not mean others agree with that justification. Thus, disagreements are bound to happen. There is no escape from this very real, impossible scenario in our lives.

Back to the growing mature thing. Eventually, most of us learn the rules of this game we call relationships. It could be a boss, a friend, a co-worker, a spouse, a family member, or the store clerk down the street; they just don’t get you. They can’t. They are too busy trying to get what they need themselves. The trick is to avoid needing people that do not need what you have. We all need people in our lives for various reasons. Most of us are not in the business of rationalizing those reasons, just meeting them. And other people are sometimes complicit in helping us fulfill our needs. But when they aren’t, then we are forced to rationalize the reasons. Either to them or to ourselves. But as was already stated, most of us are not in the business of rationalizing our reasons, we just want to meet them. If and when we are confronted by another human who does not want to be complicit in meeting our needs, then one (if not both) becomes the raging bull. It can be a very subtle conflict or an intense throw-down. This is, of course, something we all have encountered from the time we were children fighting over a toy or getting mad when a friend goes off to play with someone else, or when our parents wouldn’t let us do something we wanted to do. The less mature someone else is psychologically, the less tolerance they have for rationalizing their reasons for wanting what they want. Less maturity = more idiocy. Think about that the next time someone wants to argue with you about something that makes absolutely no sense TO YOU.

The more mature a person is, the less complicity is needed from specific individuals. You listen to the idiocy for whatever reason. But you have to laugh a little at least because the raging bull cannot rationalize wanting to thrust its horns into your belly. It isn’t in the business of rationalizing its reasons either.

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