Relationships / Swirl of thoughts

The Trap of Miscommunication in a Relationship


We’ve all experienced difficulties in relationships, no matter what age or with what gender or affiliation. Perhaps some of us have more hellish stories than others, but what is usually pertinent and at the heart of the issue is communication (or the apparent lack thereof). The dynamics in a traditional relationship (between a man and a woman, for example) can be challenging and problematic at times. But when people are falling in love, let’s say, we all tend to overlook so much. The start of “getting together” is often blurred by starry-eyed impressions and the fog of fantasy. When we fall in love, at the beginning, so much is communicated by emotion and feeling that sometimes words are not needed. Much of what we want to say is transferred in the look in our eyes, the feel of our touch and the intoxication of being in the presence of someone we adore. Brings back memories, doesn’t it?

Love is a beautiful, but complicated thing. The luster of love begins to fade over time, and the real challenges of relationships begin to unfold. The veil of passion and (sometimes) infatuation masks our flaws to those that love us. And at the beginning of a love affair, all we wish to merely communicate those things most important to us. (Usually it means emotions are centered on establishing a foundation –whether we are aware of it or not.) When two people connect and click, communication can be instantaneous and mutually relevant. But over time, communication needs to be expressed with written words, gestures, body language and of course spoken words. But these forms of communication can be misinterpreted, misunderstood, and often times miscommunicated. With feelings and emotional bonding, there is no misinterpretation or misunderstanding. When we “feel” each other, everything makes sense. But when we rely on words and other means of communication, the likelihood of something going awry rises exponentially. Thus, arguments, disagreements, and objections begin to surface.

Honestly, there is no substitute for the genuine, unspoken word. The feeling of trust in someone can easily be shattered by the slightest dishonesty. Some have a deeper tolerance than others, sure, but ultimately we are all fragile when it comes to trust. That is why communication is so crucial in any relationship, romantic or not. Everyone has a wild imagination at times and not communicating sentiments and whatnot can lead to imaginations wandering into dangerous territory. For example, a family member can promise to pay you back a favor or money lent, but if they fail to make good on their promise, you are less likely to believe them the next time they ask. If this happens on several fronts, you may likely not want to help your family anymore. Resentment can grow, but only after the breaking point has been reached. A lot of people tend to make excuses for family and tolerate their dishonesty; even go so far as to justify their faults. But family itself is a touchy and complicated dynamic for everyone. And if a family member that has wronged you communicates to you their acknowledgment of guilt and express real regret, often times people have a tendency to forgive them. In fact, forgiveness helps us deal with any hurt done to us, ironically. If we forgive others, we can lay to rest our resentments and anger; hence, bettering ourselves, our health, and our character.

Of course, it is easier to talk about these things hypothetically, but we can all relate to some degree, at least, to real people in our lives. You can picture them now, hear their voices, followed by the betrayal or whatever else that hurt you. Why can’t they just come out and say they are sorry? Why can’t they prove they regret hurting? Why-why-why?? The short answer is because they cannot communicate these things to you in a language you truly understand. No one knows us better than we know ourselves, at least when we are talking about what we want. Moreover, if we are angry at someone or distrusting of them, it is likely we cannot “connect” to them to have the true, genuine means of communication: We can’t feel it. And we can’t because our own thoughts cloud and block any emotional transfer. That is just a fact.

Unfortunately, we fail time and time again in communicating with each other because we fail to connect our vibes. We can sense when someone is not being honest with us. We can “feel” when someone is bullshitting us about how they feel, what they want, and what we are doing wrong. It may be words are simply not enough to express what is going on inside someone. To express the real truth, we need to do that spiritually (for lack of a better word). Spiritually in a sense that who we are communicating with catches our true vibes and the shadowy human sense that triggers intuition convinces us we are being told the truth and we make that crucial connection. There is no greater joy than knowing what someone tells you is the truth and you both feel good about each other, no matter if it’s a family member, a friend, or someone you share your life with. Some things simply cannot be expressed in words, and one shouldn’t have to try to. Remember that the next time you want to say something important to someone: Say it with feeling and emit the appropriate vibes. And when someone expresses themselves to you, let go of any inhibitors and allow yourself to be receptive of their vibes.


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